The Four Letter Word My Kids Taught Me

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Almost one year ago, my life was flipped upside down, for the better. God gave me two tiny blonde-haired miracles. Straight from trauma, neglect and fear, they came barreling into my world, my home and my heart. The night they came I remember thinking, “Okay, I know how to love them.”

I only thought I knew. But as it turns out, my boys have taught me to love in ways I didn’t know existed, ways that have stretched me and shaped me. I want to break down this four-letter word to show you what all the Lord used these two little blue-eyed gifts to teach me, grow me and bless me.

Letting go of yourself.

I used to have these amazing plans for how my life would be, plans to get married, have kids and a career… everything I wanted. I thought that if I was good enough and “Christian enough” that God would allow all my dreams to come true. I never thought that I would find that true joy and peace I’d always desired when I laid down those plans and those dreams to love two little strangers. My world isn’t really mine at all now, and I’m so content in that. Now, when my sons are sick, I get to lay down my desire to spend time with friends and hold them until they fall asleep. When my youngest started trauma therapy last week, I left my job early to be with him.  For my oldest still struggling with the aftermath of abuse and neglect, I take extra time in packing his lunch to write reassuring notes reminding him he will be taken care of to soothe his worried heart.

Though these sacrifices may cost me my time and effort, God is using them to help these sweet boys heal and grow. It's not about my comfort anymore -- it's about meeting their needs to help them know Jesus.

“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 16: 24-25

Obedience is worth it.

To be obedient is one of the most difficult tasks before us at times. In the small choices and the big decisions of life God is speaking and showing Himself to be faithful. When I said “yes” to being a mom in God’s way instead of mine, I found that His way is more than I could ever dream it to be. It is hard for me to imagine how my life would be without my boys, but somedays I still doubt. I sometimes still ask, “Is this really what you want for me Jesus?” Then, as if an answer to my prayerful question, Jesus will spark a memory of nine or ten months ago, when I first received these boys into my home. I can see how far God’s grace has brought us in our time together as a family, and now I barely recognize those two boys from those earliest memories. God’s love has changed all of us indelibly.

Visualize the big picture.

Those memories from the past are just proof of the bigger picture my boys have enabled me to see. In loving them, God has revealed to me how the tiny things in life, like daily scripture reading and prayer, are essential to a much bigger picture. For example, when my boys get out of their routine, it messes up their whole little world. The same is true in my life as a mother -- if I don't stay faithful in a routine of scripture, worship and prayer, my heart gets all messed up and jumbled with doubt, fear and grief. As I keep the daily routine in the little things, I am reminded of the end goal: to know Christ daily is to know Him more.

Eternity matters.

When I decided to become a mom through foster care, I didn't really take into consideration the external impacts this could have. I just wanted to be a mom, and I know it sounds so horrible that I didn't think about that. My oldest always loves to ask me about Heaven and about people that he has heard me say are in Heaven. One morning on the way to school, he asked me if he would go to Heaven. My precious, little five-year-old, who has been through more hurt and trauma in his lifetime than most adults I know just asked me about going to Heaven?! I was floored, and Jesus reminded me in that early morning moment that eternity matters for my children. The two tiny blessings that He has entrusted me with matter for all eternity and that hit me like a ton of bricks. This truth encourages me to keep showing them sacrificial love, doing all I can to love them like Jesus so that these blessings of mine get to meet Him face to face, too!

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

So in this season of LOVE, whether you're a mom or not, we all have the same purpose: to LOVE others by Letting go of ourselves through being Obedient in Visualizing the big picture because Eternity matters.