This is never my favorite day. Far from it, really. Sometimes, I even try to avoid church on this Sunday, knowing the message will always be heavily centered around fathers. I avoid social media and the outpouring of posts from so many women and girls letting the world know how great their daddies are. It’s my way of pretending I’m not sad.
It took only five short months for cancer to spread through his body, take his life and leave a six-year-old little girl confused and heartbroken. It's been 20 years since my dad passed away, and I can’t say I really remember what life was like with him. So many birthdays and holidays have gone by without him. It’s my normal. And for the most part, I feel okay about it. God blessed me with an absolute rockstar of a mom who has loved my sister and me so unbelievably well and a family who has been present for everything in my life. I’ve even been blessed enough to have two uncles, a grandfather, and now a stepfather, who have supported me in anything and everything I have ever needed. And that’s pretty great if you ask me.
And then it hits me. I see a bride and her father step onto the dance floor, and instantly, I’m reminded that I will never have that moment.
Despite the wonderful men the Lord placed in my life, there’s always something that feels missing. There’s still a hole. These men aren’t MY dad. And I’m not THEIR daughter. Whether I am always aware of that subconscious, deep-rooted longing or not, I find myself still desperately wanting MY dad, a man I hardly remember. I feel like I’ve been robbed of the one man who was supposed to love me, encourage me and protect me, and I wonder why that was taken from me. Will I ever feel truly loved in the way my heart so deeply craves?
That’s where Jesus comes in. He knows every ache in my tender heart. He knows the sadness I feel when I see so many other girls my age walking down the aisle on their fathers’ arms. He knows those moments that I look in the mirror and feel so unloved because I never knew what it was like to have the one person I felt I needed the most tell me that I was beautiful.
He also knows those words I need to hear most.
“A father to the fatherless… is God in His holy dwelling.” Psalm 68:5
Those words pierce my heart so much. The Lord in His goodness specifically designed each one of us to need a father. The role of a father here on earth is to model the image of God the Father in Heaven. However, because of the presence of sin in this world, our earthly fathers cannot meet our needs of a true father. You may have the best dad in the world. You may have a barely-there father or no father figure at all. It doesn’t matter. We must learn to shift our earthly perspective of a father to embrace the promises of an eternal Father. (Psalm 103:13)
This is not a “one and done” lesson for me. I feel like I may always struggle with it. When I feel that “something missing”, I have to choose to remind myself that I do, in fact, have a Father, an ever-faithful Father who cannot fail me and will not abandon me, no matter my earthly circumstances. (Luke 7:13)
“...for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
So when I’m at a wedding or sitting in church on that third Sunday in June, is it okay to miss a dad I don’t really remember? Absolutely, because it’s a reminder of how my God designed me, to long for the love of a Father. And that’s exactly what He promises us all. Praise Him!
“And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” -2 Corinthians 6:18
You’ve lost your way again
Seems your world is crashing in around you
But don’t give up
So alone you cry every night for a Father’s love
But I am all you need
And I will find you inside my arms tonight
Don’t cry, no, for I will hold you
For you are my (daughter), and this is your Father’s love
Father’s Love // Blake Herron
- Annie
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