3 Things My First Year of Marriage Taught Me

Disclaimer: The title of this post may be a bit misleading.

What I'm sharing with you today really doesn't require marriage as a prerequisite. These are simply just truths the Lord has been teaching me to make me more like Him, while using my new reality as a newlywed as the vehicle to do it. I think most married Christians would agree with me that marriage often turns you inward to see the truth of who you are even when it isn't always pretty. My prayer is that I wouldn't just see this truth, but that through the power of the Holy Spirit, I would change them to become more like Jesus. So while this isn't a complete list of everything the Lord used my first year of marriage to teach me, these three lessons are the ones that have shaped me the most and the ones I feel the Lord has prepared me to share with you today!

(I'll be honest -- number three is my favorite lesson I'm learning right now, and it is applicable to every woman's life, so I hope you'll read through to the end!)"

1.The beauty of God’s forgiveness.

In marriage, everything is on display. I now have someone who has a 24/7 front row seat to my best moments… and my worst. He experiences the good, but he endures the ugly. It feels like I have to seek forgiveness, and give forgiveness daily.  This has taught me and interesting lesson on how God forgives. I am learning to forgive in ways I never have before and that makes me more aware of how God continually and completely forgives me. And when I see how much I need forgiveness and how hard it is to keep forgiving in my own strength, it makes me love God even more.

2.  It’s not about me.

It was so much easier as a single person to think that my life was about me. No matter how much I thought I realized that this life is God’s and not mine, I was still able to pretty much do what I wanted and mostly do everything for myself. But once I was married, every moment of every day became a joint effort. I began to think about someone else constantly -- how he would react or what he would want in each situation.

I had to learn to serve someone else every day and at first that was hard for me to adjust to since I had always just taken care of me.  When I was single, I could go about my day, doing my own thing, not worried about what someone else thought or needed. And accountability could only go so far when I was on my own. But once I took those vows, my selfishness and sin, even in the smallest things, could trigger the biggest arguments...I had to learn (and still am learning) how to put aside my sinful and selfish desires and serve my husband, loving him and submitting to him the way I’ve been called to do.

3. My identity is in Christ, not in my husband.

This one is the hardest to learn, and quite frankly, I’ve still got a long ways to go. I am just beginning to scratch the surface of understanding what it means to really put my identity in Christ. The last few years God has really been working on this in my heart, but getting married was a catalyst for it. I always put my value and worth in how I performed or in other people’s opinions of me. When my husband and I have an argument or he has hurt me with something he said or did, I shut down. And I mean completely shut down. And until we make up, I am a mess. However, throughout this last year, the Holy Spirit began to show me that I’m putting too much value in what my husband says or does when my value should be in Christ alone.  

If I’m in the middle of a disagreement with my husband, but I truly believe in my heart that God loves me and my value comes from Him, then I can prevent what’s said or done from wearing me down. Even as recent as these last few weeks, if my husband and I started to disagree and I could feel myself slipping into my “shut down mode,” I began to read truths about who I am in Christ out loud to myself to combat the lies I was believing. After a few minutes of this, I began to feel peace and a calm that comes only from the Holy Spirit, and I was able to hold onto that calm until my husband and I made up.

I really think, as women, so many of our struggles--not just in marriage but in our lives in general--can be solved if we really believe the truth about who we are in Christ. So I want to end with a reminder of some of the truths straight from God’s Word about each one of us who knows Christ as our Savior. Maybe the next time you are feeling discouraged, unsettled or worn down, you can read these aloud and remind yourself of who you are and experience the peace of the Holy Spirit.

I Am Accepted:

I am a God’s Child. John 1:12

I am Christ’s friend. John 15:15

I have been justified. Rom. 5:1

I am united with the Lord (one spirit). 1 Cor. 6:17

I am bought with a price; I belong to God. 1 Cor. 6:19, 20

I am a member of Christ’s Body. 1 Cor. 12:27

I am a saint. Eph. 1:1

I have been adopted as God’s child. Eph. 1:5

I have access to God through the Holy Spirit. Eph. 2:18

I have been redeemed and forgiven. Col. 1:14

I am complete in Christ. Col. 2:10

I Am Secure:

I am free forever from condemnation. Rom. 8:1-2

I am assured all works together for good. Rom. 8:28

I am free from any charge against me. Rom. 8:31-34

I cannot be separated from the love of God. Rom. 8:35-39

I am established, anointed, sealed by God. 2 Cor. 1:21-22

I am hidden with Christ in God. Col. 3:3

I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected. Phil. 1:6

I am a citizen of heaven. Phil. 3:20

I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Heb. 4:16

I can find grace and mercy in time of need. Heb. 4:16

I am born of God; the evil one cannot touch me. 1 John 5:18

I Am Significant:

I am the salt and light of the earth. Matt. 5:13-14

I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of His life. John 15:1, 5

I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit. John 15:16

I am a personal witness of Christ’s. Acts 1:8

I am God’s temple. 1 Cor. 3:16

I am a minister of reconciliation for God. 2 Cor. 5:17-21

I am God’s co-worker. 1 Cor. 3:9, 2 Cor. 6:1

I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm. Eph. 2:6

I am God’s workmanship. Eph. 2:10

I may approach God with freedom and confidence. Eph. 3:12

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13

Married or not, these truths hold firm for every single one of us, now and always. I pray you can accept the love of our Good Father and learn to love like He does in response!